“Chore Extinction is tragic, especially if it is preventable.”
That was a statement from Roseanna, released earlier this month in her research paper, Millennial’s Manners Gone Missing. The paper highlights the millennial Species and its inability to put dishes in the dishwasher, organize a closet and vacuum more than one square foot of carpet. A recent study found that certain species no longer posses the knowledge of how to sort laundry and some even go so far as to over load the dryer.
“It’s a tragedy of epic proportions”, stated Roseanna, who has a millennial daughter, known as Gionna. “Just today I had to call a repairman to fix the dryer because Gionna put every item of clothing from since Moses was a little boy into the dryer. Last month, she caught the microwave on fire – who pops popcorn for 33 minutes and 33 seconds?!?” Roseanna added,”her room sometimes looks like she’s losing a game of Jumanji!”
The latest trend to rear its ugly head, according to Roseanna, is mixing whites with reds in the washing machine. This latest millennial defect has landed many the millennial on the critically endangered chore chart and therefore now at risk of extinction by the International Union for Conservation of Chores.
“The struggle is real”, says Roseanna. “I will do whatever it takes to bring awareness to this tragic situation. As God as my witness, she’s not going to break another appliance or be incapable of moving a dish 14 inches from the sink to the dishwasher. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never have pink dish towels again.”
Gionna’s Nonna was unavailable for comment due to an urgent hair appointment.