Tag Archives: Italian

“Chore Extinction is tragic, especially if it is preventable.”

“Chore Extinction is tragic, especially if it is preventable.”

That was a statement from Roseanna, released earlier this month in her research paper, Millennial’s Manners Gone Missing. The paper highlights the millennial Species and its inability to put dishes in the dishwasher, organize a closet and vacuum more than one square foot of carpet.  A recent study found that certain species no longer posses the knowledge of how to sort laundry and some even go so far as to over load the dryer.

Pictured here is a rare, never before seen photo of a Millienial, called Gionna in her natural habitat. Gionna seems to be contemplating how one organizes a closet.

“It’s a tragedy of epic proportions”, stated Roseanna, who has a millennial daughter, known as Gionna.  “Just today I had to call a repairman to fix the dryer because Gionna put every item of clothing from since Moses was a little boy into the dryer.  Last month, she caught the microwave on fire – who pops popcorn for 33 minutes and 33 seconds?!?”   Roseanna added,”her room sometimes looks like she’s losing a game of Jumanji!”

The latest trend to rear its ugly head, according to Roseanna, is mixing whites with reds in the washing machine.  This latest millennial defect has landed many the millennial on the critically endangered chore chart and therefore now at risk of extinction by the International Union for Conservation of Chores.

“The struggle is real”, says Roseanna. “I will do whatever it takes to bring awareness to this tragic situation.  As God as my witness,  she’s not going to break another appliance or be incapable of moving a dish 14 inches from the sink to the dishwasher. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never have pink dish towels again.”


Gionna’s Nonna was unavailable for comment due to an urgent hair appointment.



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Don’t Mess With Nonna

NonnaTwo houses down from mine is an older couple – the wife is a New Yorker and the husband is the epitome of a southern gentleman. They are proof that opposites sometimes do attract.  The wife spends almost every morning on their back deck and she is a rather loud woman, let me also add, she’s full-blooded Italian. Her conversations are always a mix of Italian and English – and quite often, comical.  When I’m watering my plants in the morning, I can hear her on the phone with her daughter and it’s safe to say that she does not care for her son-in-law.  I know this because I’m well versed in Italian slang and various Italian defamatory remarks and this woman has used them all in describing her daughter’s husband.

Their grandchildren are visiting for a few weeks this summer and while I was outside earlier this morning, I could hear her going at it again, this time with her granddaughter, who might be all of eight years old.  The guilt this woman can serve is the kind only found from an Italian/Catholic upbringing (I’m speaking from experience) and this woman has mastered it.   I poured a cup of coffee, sat on my deck swing and this is what I heard….

Nonna:  Why is your finger in your nose?  God gave you ten fingers and he didn’t want any of them up your nose!  Good luck getting a date…

Granddaughter:  My fingers aren’t in my nose and I don’t want a date…

Nonna:  So now I don’t know what a nose with a finger in it looks like?   What? I’m stupid?!?  And good you don’t want a date, because boys don’t date girls with fingers in their noses.  

Granddaughter:  I wanna go home

Nonna:  You know what else, you gonna have the nose of an elephant now.  That’s what’s gonna happen – elephant nose and no date.

Granddaughter:  I wanna go home

Nonna: Sit down, you need your hair brushed.

Granddaughter:  You’re not fair

Nonna:  Life’s not fair, where’s the damn brush?

Granddaughter:  You’re not combing my hair, I brushed it yesterday and it hurts when you do it.  

Nonna:  You have to suffer to be beautiful, sit down…

Granddaughter:  Well why do I need to be beautiful since I have an elephant nose and never dating?

Score 1 for the granddaughter.


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