Early this morning I went for a walk and thought back over the past year. Personally, I am thrilled that 2014 is now part of history. That being said, the past twelve months were very much a learning experience for me. Like all of us, I made mistakes. However, I have no regrets. I know I disappointed some, perhaps even wronged others and maybe could have done more to rectify certain situations. I learned that friends can turn into strangers and people I thought I wouldn’t like are actually some of the best people I know. I finally figured out that it is best to simply walk away from people who always seem angry and thrive on conflict. I know now the battle they are fighting has nothing to do with me, it has everything to do with them. I hope that my family and friends will forgive me if I have hurt them in any way and will continue to be patient with me as I continue to work on myself in the coming years.
Gossip was alive and well in my little town during 2014. I used to hate being gossiped about, and of course, it still hurts a little. But in the last few months, I came to the conclusion that I’m actually providing a service. I’m giving very boring, petty and insecure people something to talk about, and I’m all right with that. I suppose I should thank them for making me the center of their world. I once read that our reputation is what others think of us; character is what God knows of us. When you have spent what feels like an eternity trying to repair a few moments of time that destroyed the view others once had of you, then you must ask yourself if you have the problem or is it really them? God does not make us try so hard, only enemies do.
I cannot control what people say or think about me – that is another thing I learned this year. A friend of mine told me a few weeks ago that insecure people only eclipse your sun because they’re jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights. I’m not certain those were his original words, but they made me smile and there may be some truth in them. I am a very confident person and have even been called intimidating. I like who I am and am rather nonconforming. Add to that my Italian/Sicilian heritage and you can begin to see why this bad-ass broad from California is often the topic of discussion in small town Alabama. I swear more than I should, refuse to eat fried food or grits and still say “you guys” and will never say “Y’all”. Yeah, I blend in just fine down here.
I’m beginning 2015 with a smile on my face. I can truly say that I woke up happy. We have to choose to be happy. No one can do that for us. And I truly begin each day with that thought in my head. That doesn’t mean I have sunshine shooting out my ass and I skip about my day tossing fairy dust while riding a unicorn over rainbows. But why not choose to be happy? I no longer have the capacity to tolerate negativity and drama or those who need it for survival, I have far too many things to be happy about. I have two of the most amazing kiddos a mom could ever ask for. I have a group of crazy friends that have gone above and beyond helping me get through some very difficult times and I have two wonderful parents who have gone through fire for me and love me unconditionally. I am beginning 2015 with a smile on my face because yes, I am happy. More importantly, I am blessed.
Auguri per un felice 2015.