Tag Archives: alone

Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~C.S. Lewis

If you could be any age, what age would you be and why?  Even if it were only for a day, what time of your life do you long to return to?

For me, I think that age would be four.  There’s an innocence and wide-eyed wonder we still have at that age.  I knew nothing of family conflict, physical abuse, divorce, lies or any other of life’s cruel realities.  I loved absolutely everyone and everyone loved me.  The world was a beautiful and peaceful place.  It was truly a time free of worry.  But what I remember most, there were no distractions – nobody seemed to be in the rush they are in today.  Time from my loved ones was as available as the air that I breathed.  And my mom was always there for me.  I never woke up wondering if  I would see or talk to her that day, I just knew that I would be able to.  It was the one thing I could completely count on and trust in, she would be there, no matter what.

Almost four decades later, I still want all those things.  I suppose what we want doesn’t change, just the people that we want those things from – they sometimes change.  There is a primal sort of feeling in the way we want and need to know that there is someone out in the world that loves us, that cares about us – no matter what we have done, how we have acted or how unlovable we may be at the moment.   There is a very deep security, a safety net even, knowing that someone you love, loves you back.  It’s the voice you need to hear when everything seems as if it is falling apart;  it’s the familiar hug that makes all your troubles disappear, even if it’s only for awhile; and it’s the touch of a loving hand on yours that without words, says, ‘it’s all going to be all right, I’m here for you’.  When that is taken away from us, when we no longer have the person that provided us that much-needed and longed for security, the void left is very deep and irreplaceable. It’s an empty and hollow feeling like none I’ve ever known.  Sometimes I wish I was a kid again –  skinned knees are so much easier to fix then broken hearts.

“Where’d the days go, when all we did was play? And the stress that we were under wasn’t stress at all just a run and a jump into a harmless fall” 

~Paolo Nutini

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If you are sure of tomorrow, there is no fool greater than you.

It’s been quite a week for football in my home.  I read in an article that the only football team in Miami this past Monday night that could compete with Alabama was the Miami Dolphins. Even they may have had a hard time with Nick Saban’s Crimson Tide, the NFL’s unofficial 33d team and the official best college football team in the land.  Last night my 49ers dominated the Packers.  While I knew they would win, I watched in awe as they scored touchdown after touchdown – Crabtree was amazing, Kapernick, almost flawless.

But there is much more to life than football and we’ve had a heavy dose of reality over here.  Tragedy struck our  little community when we learned that a student at my daughter’s high school hung himself a few days ago.  His name 736468_10200538249243061_109056266_owas Lee and he was more than just a student.  Lee was one of my daughter’s best friends.  They went to prom together last year. Every day he would walk her to English class and every day they ate lunch together.  This is one of those things you read about in the newspaper, but it never happens to anyone you know.  Gionna visited with Lee at his home just hours before he tried to kill himself.  I say tried because he lived for two more days.  Gionna went to visit him Thursday evening in the ICU and when she came home, she seemed hopeful that Lee would be waking up soon.  That wasn’t in God’s plan. Lee passed away Friday morning.

As parents, we often read books and talk to other parents regarding advice on raising our children.  We do our best to answer their questions and guide them, often drawing from our own experiences.  However, nothing can ever prepare you for when your child ask you why their friend killed himself.  I have no answers, no one does.  I hate to think that his life had become so dark for him that he felt ending his life was his only option.  Lee always made Gionna laugh.  That is the very thing she talked about most when she first met him.  My daughter doesn’t care what race, color or religion you are – if you are a good person and can make her laugh, you’re in.  It’s that simple with her and it’s one of the many things I love about her.  Gionna has countless stories of Lee making her laugh, often at her own embarrassment, and I hope it’s those memories she will draw on during this time, and always.  His death hasn’t hit63697_511446365552878_156739003_n her yet, not completely anyway, and it may take weeks.  She told me last night how going to school on Monday was going to be one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do.  Gionna asked me how would she be able to sit in the lunch room without Lee.  They always sat together and now he’s gone.  Again, I had no answer.

I’ve noticed on various media outlets that many of the students are posting sweet stories and saying very kind things about Lee.  What if we didn’t wait until someone has passed away to let him or her know how much they meant to us.  What if we told each other every chance we got what a difference we made in their lives or how happy we were to see them.  What if we took just ten minutes out of our day to call each other – not text, not snap chat, not tweet, not a FaceBook status … but make an actual phone call or stop by for a visit.  Our society and specifically. this generation, no longer knows much about the fine art of conversation.  We are becoming very self-absorbed and selfish.  We think what we don’t say or do today we can just do tomorrow, but sometimes, we can’t.  Tomorrow is not promised to you or me.  Leo Buscaglia said it best when he wrote,

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” 

Stop what you are doing now and call your mom, your sister, your best friend, make a human connection with someone.  Tell them you love them.  If they are with you now, hug them.  If they enjoy getting mail, sit down and write a letter, yes – with a pen and paper.  It really is the little things people – trust me on this one.  I’m in my home day after day with my adorable little boy who has a terminal illness.  Due to progression of his disease, we are housebound except for when his nurse comes for a few hours to watch him.  I promise your sweet ass, when someone comes by to visit or brings dinner over and stays to eat with us – I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.  A phone call from a friend, priceless.  Opening my mailbox and seeing a card, instant smile.  I may look high maintenance and complicated, but at my core, I’m just a person who every now and again, likes to know that I’m not going through this journey called life alone.  I think that’s all any of us want.

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