If you could be any age, what age would you be and why? Even if it were only for a day, what time of your life do you long to return to?
For me, I think that age would be four. There’s an innocence and wide-eyed wonder we still have at that age. I knew nothing of family conflict, physical abuse, divorce, lies or any other of life’s cruel realities. I loved absolutely everyone and everyone loved me. The world was a beautiful and peaceful place. It was truly a time free of worry. But what I remember most, there were no distractions – nobody seemed to be in the rush they are in today. Time from my loved ones was as available as the air that I breathed. And my mom was always there for me. I never woke up wondering if I would see or talk to her that day, I just knew that I would be able to. It was the one thing I could completely count on and trust in, she would be there, no matter what.
Almost four decades later, I still want all those things. I suppose what we want doesn’t change, just the people that we want those things from – they sometimes change. There is a primal sort of feeling in the way we want and need to know that there is someone out in the world that loves us, that cares about us – no matter what we have done, how we have acted or how unlovable we may be at the moment. There is a very deep security, a safety net even, knowing that someone you love, loves you back. It’s the voice you need to hear when everything seems as if it is falling apart; it’s the familiar hug that makes all your troubles disappear, even if it’s only for awhile; and it’s the touch of a loving hand on yours that without words, says, ‘it’s all going to be all right, I’m here for you’. When that is taken away from us, when we no longer have the person that provided us that much-needed and longed for security, the void left is very deep and irreplaceable. It’s an empty and hollow feeling like none I’ve ever known. Sometimes I wish I was a kid again – skinned knees are so much easier to fix then broken hearts.
“Where’d the days go, when all we did was play? And the stress that we were under wasn’t stress at all just a run and a jump into a harmless fall”